i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
