i think i have two assholes
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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