that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
