I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
