I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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