Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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