I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
