whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
