Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
