she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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