I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
We're using joints as your birthday candles
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
