You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
