Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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