11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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