You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
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I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
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What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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