I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
