this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
