i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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