Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
im holly from the hills drunk
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
