I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I didn't notice because vodka
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
