This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
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