i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
