when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
