I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
