Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
