Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
