Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
