he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I can text with my tongue
Is it because I queefed?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
