I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
