piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
