grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
