I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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