oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
