Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
