I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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