I'm gonna have a badass scar
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
