A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
