worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Just took my morning after pill in the library
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
