she woke up with a sticky ear
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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