Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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