love makes seman taste better
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
