i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
