My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
