worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Randomize
