he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
