Umm I'm too high to move.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
