What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
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My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
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I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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