It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize