If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Randomize
