i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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