What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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