The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦â€â™€ï¸
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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