I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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