What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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