Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
