I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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