is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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