Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
