But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
