the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
