My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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