am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
