im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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