she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
