I must be too annoying 4 u.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
