he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
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