Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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