Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
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